Eat me. I'm a danish.

WELCOME TO SUMMER: I am a Tired American…

… Memorial Day is the unofficial start of Summer.  And what does “Summer” really mean (besides the pool being open, which really is a bonus in and of itself)…

MUTHAF***IN’ VACATIONS!  Or, in a REAL American’s world - the all important AMERICAN ROAD TRIP! No doubt about it, jumping in the car and driving off to parts unknown is an American birthright - and one of many reasons why this country is SO great.  The tanks are filled and the tops are down, the only choice at this point is which convertible to take (it’s going to be the AMERICAN, Red Mustang, FYI).

Seriously, if you do not plan on going on a road trip this year, you are a tootsie fruity (no homo).  Airfare is more than gas - not to mention far less reliable -  and putting the petal to the metal is more boss than taking a glorified Greyhound Bus (i.e., American, United, Southwest —- PLANE!).  AMERICA is about taking the road trip, the jaunt down Route 66, the “air-in-your-hair-petal-to-the-metal-fuck-if-I-care-if-some-copper-gives-me-a-speeding-ticket ROAD_TRIP!”, the “let’s-just-drive-and-drive-til-we-find-our-divine,” - “the-place-where-we’ll-plant-our-feet-and-stomp-all-night-to-the-sweet, sweet beat!”   

AND! If you don’t know, now you know - gas up you ride, and discover what you’ve yet to discover.  Life.. NO, AMERICA - is about opportunity, and you have to be prepared for the opportunity right in front of you - don’t be “skeerd.” LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST! YOU COULD DIE  - LITERALLY – MOMENTS FROM READING THESE WORDS.

We are ADVENTURE!  Over the Memorial Day Weekend, we need to start our Road Trippin’ off right.  When I say “we”, I mean ME and THE LADY, you cynical dopes!  We plan on raping our home country for adventure after adventure - why? - cause it’s the GREATEST COUNTRY ON THE PLANET.  And at the end of the diatribe, YOU are invited too…. asses. Did you not get the point, that you too could be free wheelin’ Bob Dylan’s?

Fine. Be coy. But, in my 35^th year, it’s been made known that I’m “old.”  Though, I’d like to think “seasoned.”  Last year was old school hip-hop, this year’s road trip playlist (in chronological order) is “Classic Rock”…

• From 1964, The Animals - “The House Of The Rising Sun”
• From 1964, The Kinks - “You Really Got Me”
• From 1965, Bob Dylan - “Like A Rolling Stone”
• From 1967, The Beatles - “A Day In The Life”
• From 1967, Buffalo Springfield - “For What It’s Worth”
• From 1967, Jefferson Airplane - “Somebody To Love”
• From 1967, Cream - “Sunshine Of Your Love”
• From 1968, Jimi Hendrix - “All Along The Watchtower”
• From 1968, Steppenwolf - “Born To Be Wild”
• From 1968, Big Brother And The Holding Company - “Piece Of My Heart”
• From 1969, The Guess Who - “American Woman”
• From 1969, Blind Faith - “Can’t Find My Way Home”
• From 1969, Creedence Clearwater Revival - “Fortunate Son”
• From 1969, The Rolling Stones - “Gimme Shelter”
• From 1969, David Bowie - “Space Oddity”
• From 1969, Crosby, Stills & Nash - “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”
• From 1970, Free - “All Right Now”
• From 1970, James Gang - “Funk #49”
• From 1970, Derek And The Dominos - “Layla”
• From 1970, Mountain - “Mississippi Queen”
• From 1970, George Harrison - “My Sweet Lord”
• From 1970, Black Sabbath - “Paranoid”
• From 1971, America - “A Horse With No Name”
• From 1971, The Who - “Baba O’Riley”
• From 1971, T. Rex - “Bang A Gong (Get It On)”
• From 1971, John Lennon - “Imagine”
• From 1971, The Doors - “L.A. Woman”
• From 1971, Rod Stewart - “Maggie May”
• From 1971, Yes - “Roundabout”
• From 1972, Elton John - “Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going To Be A Long, Long Time)”
• From 1972, Alice Cooper - “School’s Out”
• From 1972, Deep Purple - “Smoke On The Water”
• From 1972, Lou Reed - “Walk On The Wild Side”
• From 1973, Marshall Tucker Band, The - “Can’t You See”
• From 1973, ZZ Top - “La Grange”
• From 1973, Paul McCartney & Wings - “Live And Let Die”
• From 1973, Billy Joel - “Piano Man”
• From 1973, Golden Earing - “Radar Love”
• From 1973, Allman Brothers Band, The - “Ramblin’ Man”
• From 1973, Joe Walsh - “Rocky Mountain Way”
• From 1973, Steve Miller Band - “The Joker”
• From 1973, Bob Seger - “Turn The Page”
• From 1973, Grand Funk Railroad - “We’re An American Band”
• From 1974, The Doobie Brothers - “Black Water”
• From 1974, Lynyrd Skynyrd - “Sweet Home Alabama”
• From 1974, Bachman-Turner Overdrive - “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”
• From 1975, Queen - “Bohemian Rhapsody”
• From 1975, Bruce Springsteen - “Born To Run”
• From 1975, Bad Company - “Feel Like Makin’ Love”
• From 1975, Nazareth - “Hair Of The Dog”
• From 1975, Led Zeppelin - “Kashmir”
• From 1975, War - “Low Rider”
• From 1975, Kiss - “Rock And Roll All Nite”
• From 1975, Peter Frampton - “Show Me The Way”
• From 1975, Foghat - “Slow Ride”
• From 1975, Ted Nugent - “Stranglehold”
• From 1975, Aerosmith - “Sweet Emotion”
• From 1976, Blue Öyster Cult - “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”
• From 1976, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band - “Blinded By The Light”
• From 1976, Kansas - “Carry On My Wayward Son”
• From 1976, Fleetwood Mac - “Go Your Own Way”
• From 1976, The Eagles - “Hotel California”
• From 1976, Boston - “More Than A Feeling”
• From 1976, Thin Lizzy - “The Boys Are Back In Town”
• From 1977, Heart - “Barracuda”
• From 1977, Ram Jam - “Black Betty”
• From 1977, Eric Clapton - “Cocaine”
• From 1978, Cheap Trick - “I Want You To Want Me”
• From 1978, The Cars - “Just What I Needed”
• From 1978, Styx - “Renegade”
• From 1978, The Police - “Roxanne”
• From 1978, Dire Straits - “Sultans Of Swing”
• From 1979, Pink Floyd - “Comfortably Numb”
• From 1979, Electric Light Orchestra - “Don’t Bring Me Down”
• From 1979, Molly Hatchet - “Flirtin’ With Disaster”
• From 1980, AC/DC - “Back In Black”
• From 1980, The Pretenders - “Brass In Pocket”
• From 1980, Ozzy Osbourne - “Crazy Train”
• From 1980, Van Halen - “Everybody Wants Some!!”
• From 1980, Pete Townshend - “Let My Love Open The Door”
• From 1980, Judas Priest - “Living After Midnight”
• From 1981, Journey - “Don’t Stop Believin’”
• From 1981, Stevie Nicks - “Edge Of Seventeen”
• From 1981, .38 Special - “Hold On Loosely”
• From 1981, Phil Collins - “In The Air Tonight”
• From 1981, Foreigner - “Juke Box Hero”
• From 1981, The Rush - “Tom Sawyer”
• From 1982, John Mellencamp - “Jack And Diane”
• From 1982, George Thorogood & The Destroyers - “Bad To The Bone”
• From 1983, Talking Heads - “Burning Down The House”
• From 1983, Def Leppard - “Photograph”
• From 1983, Stevie Ray Vaughan And Double Trouble - “Pride And Joy”
• From 1984, Sammy Hagar - “I Can’t Drive 55”
• From 1984, The Scorpions - “Rock You Like A Hurricane”
• From 1984, Don Henley - “The Boys Of Summer”
• From 1985, Mötley Crüe - “Home Sweet Home”
• From 1987, Guns N’ Roses - “Sweet Child O’ Mine”
• From 1989, Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - “Free Fallin’”
• From 1989, Neil Young - “Rockin’ In The Free World”
• From 1991, Metallica - “Enter Sandman

Enjoy your Memorial Day, Your Summer, and Your Life.

Viva Freedom…. I AM… a tired American.

I am a Tired American: Gay Rights are Civil Rights

I’ll preface this by stating up front that I’m anti-marriage. It’s never something I will do and I don’t have a dog in this fight (also, perfectly happy with the love of my life). But, I am pro-love and if two people … White and Black… Man and Man… Asian and Mexican… Woman and Woman… Jew and Muslim… Transgender and Transexual… and every conceivable combination in between… are in love with each other, want to commit to each other, and enjoy the legal benefits of that relationship - who are any of the rest of us to deny them that right? All the arguments against are completely flawed.

Sure, one can cherry pick the hell out of the “holy” bible or other “holy” scriptures to claim that homosexuality is some kind of “sin” and should be “condemned”. Guess what? Last time I checked, this is still America - those narrow-minded, dogmatic views have no place here where separation of church and state are promised in the Constitution.  Keep your beliefs to yourself, and by all means be proud of your faith. However, if you disagree with someone else’s point of view - to each their own. Isn’t the main, underlying message of every religious text one of love, understanding, and tolerance?

STDs? C’mon, we’re all smarter than that. Brining up STDs as some argument against homosexuality is forgetting the fact they spread through heterosexual communities too - no one talks much about that. It’s like saying black people deserve to be racially profiled and harassed by police because they are overrepresented in convicts.  Or, one better, white people do not deserve a job because, even though they’re more qualified, a company is underrepresented in a certain minority group. We are smarter than this.

Bringing up the totally insane “natural” argument is like saying that everything invented in the past 100 or so years (modern medicine, cars, the internet, space travel, dubstep…) are unnatural and they should be banned - even though homosexuality has been around, some could argue, since David and Jonathan shared that “platonic kiss” in the Old Testament (See what I did there! Totally cherry picked 1 Samuel 20: 41-42)

Now understand, I’m not talking about any type of religious, ceremonial marriage. Again, if that’s your thing - go for it. Churches aren’t, and shouldn’t, be forced to marry or even accept gay people as being married in the eyes of god. Some churches don’t when it comes to divorce, so what is the difference?

I’m talking strictly about civil marriage. While it’s no secret that a lot of people do both, there’s also a lot of people that elope in Vegas. So, really? When certain celebrity marriages, drunken bad decisions, and staggering divorce rates are factored in - why not allow homosexual people the right to have a civil marriage? Homosexual people are only asking for the same legal protections. Not too much to ask,  or expect, for in this land of equality we call America.

Civil unions (civil marriage) are a “separate but equal” argument, and separate is rarely equal. Some would like to make an appeal to tradition, which is flawed because society has a long standing “tradition” of racism, ageism, and sexism - so, by the “traditional” argument, is that right?

Some people like to use the old slippery slope argument. This was also used against interracial marriages. “Next they’re going to allow people marry their dog.” First off, I might marry my dog. He’s the most loyal, loving, non-judgemental life form in my life. But, thats absurd. Animals and objects have no legal standing and cannot consent to a union. The legal foundation of marriage relies on it being between two people.

Side note: unlike gay marriage, polygamy completely “destroys” the legal definition of marriage since most laws written about marriage rely on it being between two people. Polygamy was officially banned in  1862, but as recently as 2008 (and usually in response to some kind of abuse) still happens. Thought it was “bigamy” to point that out! Punny? Sure,  but don’t get me started!

To anyone that would state “homosexuality is a choice”, it doesn’t matter - it’s completely  irrelevant. Forget the fact it would be nuts for someone to “choose” to be gay considering the homophobia that runs rampant. Being heterosexual, by default, would also be a choice. Being with somebody of a different race is a choice, but we allow interracial marriages (well, since 1967). Being with somebody’s of a different religion is a choice, but we allow that too. Saying “Why should we let two homosexual people marry if they could just marry somebody of the opposite sex?” is  like saying “Why should we allow people of different races to marry if they could just marry somebody of the same race?” Been there, done that, fixed that.

Simply put, and it’s hard to argue against: “I believe that marriage isn’t between a man and woman but between love and love” - Frank Ocean, “We All Try” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tkuUlAQhbY)

Lastly, President Gerald Ford in 2002 (Republican, just in case you didn’t know) was asked if gay couples should get equal benefits. He replied, “I think they ought to be treated equally. Period.” so the notion that President Obama was the “first” POTUS to support gay marriage is a stretch. Stop drinking the kool-aid, and start thinking… I beg of you.

Regardless of your religious or political view - just get over it, homophobes. Gay people should have the same rights under the law as straight people. It’s that fucking simple. I am a Tired American.